Why Having Personal Boundaries

Protects You From Toxic People !!

“The difference between a lady and a flower girl is not how she behaves, but how she is treated.“

My Fair Lady 1964

People often believe that setting personal boundaries is mean or harsh because ‘how dare you tell me what’s not allowed!’ 

‘How dare you suddenly change the rules of this relationship without my consent. I asked for money, and you gave it. What are you broke now? I just saw you buy a new TV. Why can’t you buy me one?’

This is manipulation at its finest, it is designed to keep you in the same place of always giving and never receiving. Never forget that relationships are reciprocal, and to keep things even, we have to have boundaries.

What Are Personal Boundaries?

Personal  Boundaries are the guidelines of how people should to treat you. Think about it like getting a new phone or even a new update: you have to read the terms and agreements before moving forward.

These are what boundaries are. When someone is late to an event, and you tell them you don’t like lateness. That is a boundary. When someone wants to go out for drinks, and you say you don’t drink alcohol. That is a boundary.

 

Someone won’t know your boundaries until you tell them, but after that, it’s up to them to decide whether to take your boundaries seriously. And sadly, people are gonna do what people gonna do.

This is why setting boundaries is so hard. You have to be the one who keeps them up, the one who holds them strong and steady. For if someone sees a crack, a sliver, or an opening, they are going to attack your boundaries.

How Do You Know When Someone’s Crossed A Boundary?

According to Dr. Tracy Hutchinson One way to know if a boundary is being crossed is the way that you feel. Trust your intuition and discomfort because they’re probably right. You need to listen to your gut. Deep down, you know your boundary has been attacked; you just don’t want to believe the person who did it.

They could be a family member, a longtime friend, a co-worker, a lover, basically a person who was supposed to know you inside and out. That is where betrayal comes into play.

A lot of times, we, as people, are hurt by those we love the most. So, when they cross your boundary, it feels like betrayal because they should know better. They should already know what you tolerate and what you don’t tolerate. They should already know your character inside and out. So, why would they hurt me? They wouldn’t do that. Would they?

The answer is yes. Yes, they did. It may even seem like it’s not a big deal to them, but how do you feel? They are saying all these sugary words to cover up the fact they internally hurt you by crossing a known boundary. 

Yet, when this happens, you still have to be strong.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Seen As Mean?

Setting Boundaries can be seen as mean when confronting people about your boundaries. Theses people get defensive and angry and may even yell at you for just standing your ground. I wish I could tell you why.

Sometimes, it’s because you’ve never firmly stated your boundaries. Some people hate confrontation and would rather hurt silently than hurt loudly. This isn’t a good approach because, eventually, it will come to a tipping point, and now you’ve exploded on someone who had no idea they did anything wrong, to begin with.

Then sometimes, you stated your boundaries, but that person didn’t care. Now, they are constantly breaking your boundaries without you fighting back. But now, something is different. Now, you’ve finally mustered up the courage to confront this evildoer, and they laugh in your face and make a whole scene. Why? Simple: You never stood up for the boundary; thus, it must not exist, and why should I follow a non-existing rule?

Manipulation at its finest.

So, don’t pay them no mind when someone gets mad at you for stating how you feel. Their reaction tells you everything you need to know.  The conversation should be civil and calm like to grown adults talking. The conversation should not be loud and making you feel stupid for setting boundaries. Your not children and stupid is a bad word.

So, if someone is acting like that, kick them to the curb. Immediately! What did TLC say, “Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.”  And you, my friend, are the waterfall, so let these toxic people run back to lakes and the rivers they are used to. And please tell them to stop chasing you. OKAY!

In Conclusion

Everyone should set personal boundaries. You need to engrave a list of things that you will not tolerate into your soul. Into every fiber of your being.

These boundaries are the terms and conditions of all your relationships. So, if someone breaks these conditions, then say bye to the relationship.

Toxic people drain you of so much energy, so do yourself a favor and let them go!

You should never be scared to say how you feel. You should never be scared of how someone will react. You should never be scared of the people you choose to be in your life.

So, please do yourself a favor, set that personal boundary, and stand by it. You’ll never regret it.

LOVE Missy,

The End.